Is fall upon us?

     I sure hope so! Much has happened since my last posting. Selection went extremely well and long story short I managed to position myself in the upper 4 of our class physically (which is mice since I was one of the elder class members), and top 2 peer rating...the board went well and I was retained and moved into a position of greater responsibility. I was also fairly spent afterward, but definitely glad it was over. 


    The biggest reason of this post is to clear the air for myself. My brother asked me to do a half IM with him after I completed the Pinhoti 100 miler last year. "Sure," I thought, "I ran 100 miles, how hard can a half IM be? I have a solid amount of ultra experience, this should equate to a good workout..." WRONG!


     I did not prepare myself well at all. I thought going to the pool and swimming 1200 meters three times a week was doing something. I had trained well on my bike for a bit, but did not ride for 3 weeks prior to the race. Couple poor training with poor nutrition and you have disaster. I finished, and it being my first one that is usually the goal for any of my "firsts" get it done, and then expound upon it the next time  take a crack at it and try to shatter previous performances. 


     The swim, well, I had never swum in open water nor in a wet suit. I could not take a breathe in with the wet suit on so I had to swim with my head out of the water which slowed me considerably. I lost at least 4 to 5 minutes on that whole fiasco alone...


     Transition the bike was fast and efficient. The ride was going extremely well until the last 5 or 6 mile sin which I had begun to cramp. First in one leg, then the other once I got the first one squared away. So basically I looked like a clown the last 5 to 6 miles pedaling with one leg and holding the other straight out to shake the cramp...


      Another smooth transition and off to the run. First two miles were at an 8 minute mile pace and then I just ran out of energy, I would run between aid stations and walk through the aid station. The sun finally came out at this point and gave me one heck of a beat down. By the end I was reduced to running a quarter mile max and walking for  a couple minutes...


Overall finish time 6:14:32...not bad I guess...but I know I am a 5:15 to 5:30 half IM guy...therefor I will have to do this again...darn it! lol...

Keeping my job

So I sit here…knowing that no matter what I do today it really won’t help me any for tomorrow…however it could possibly hurt. Normal day-before-race-day questions…did I train enough? Did I recover properly from my injuries? Am I going to toe the line. Day after day for the next weeks and perform at 100% each and every day? I know the heat will effect me, I know I will be slower, I will be weaker…but will I be able to manage myself so that I do not become a heat casualty? The ramifications for failure in this next three week event are far more than any other event I have done over the past three years.

What is this “event”? It is known as Ranger Assessment and Selection Program II. The “II” is in there because I am senior in rank and it is more of a gentleman’s course than it is for the younger guys.  It does not change that the standard is NOT negotiable. Day one is a Standard Army APFT of 2 minutes push-ups, 2 minutes sit-ups, 2 mile run as fast as you can muster and as many pull-ups you can knock out. You must make a score of 80% for your age group in each event at a minimum. Not a big deal really it is all anaerobic and short in duration. I dislike anaerobic because it hurts, I have grown to love the aerobic game of ultra-running…but that is not the game that I have been training for or will be playing here. Day two presents us with a 5 mile run as fast as possible. It must be completed in under 40 minutes. Day three is a 20 mile foot march with all you gear and dry-weight 35 lb ruck. For insurance purposes most go with 40 to 45 lbs as if you are light you will perform this event again on day five. The remainder of the course is a surprise of physical events, some lasting all day, some structured to attempt to make your heart explode…

Then there is the mental aspect. Classes given to the students to teach them our ways of operating. Psychological tests and evaluations to ensure that we mesh and are of the kilt that the Regiment needs. Exams in history and standards, and the board. Likely the one part that everyone stresses the most about since this is the culminating event of the course and, well, from my last experience with it 7 years ago they find your weaknesses in the course and beat you to death with them. The day I got hired 7 years ago I felt like the biggest piece of trash that had walked the earth for three days. I should have been happy, I made it in, I became part of the best military organization in the world…however I gave it my all to get here and that day I knew that my all was barely enough. Their point was made though. You are being selected for service in the Regiment everyday and less than 100% is not acceptable.

100% it is…

Re-grouping...

          It has been some time since I have contributed here. Time spent questioning, re-grouping and this weekend relishing in the small successes. Big events occurred, such as where I was Co-RD for the Inaugural Operation Endurance on Fort Benning, GA on April 30^th. My family and I had the pleasure of hosting John Pyle and his lovely wife Toni over the course of the event and for a recovery day the day after the race. John is phenomenal, and as an active duty service member I appreciate his efforts more than he will ever know for him running EVERY event with our national colors and keeping Ol’ Glory flying for us. I look forward to experiencing many more events with John and Toni and following his progress next year when he takes on the immense undertaking of running across the country from coast to coast and finishing this trek out with, in my opinion, one of the hardest 100’s in the country (because of the heat), the Key’s 100.

          In between I restricted my training to focus more on immediate tasks at hand that are work related. Faster pacing and less mileage…ailment after ailment has seemed to plague me. Crack a rib, plantar’s fascia that requires a sleep boot, pulled hamstring…all just annoying enough to keep my confidence off-center. Add in some weight gain of about 30 pounds of mass from my racing weight and it is like a dark cloud that I couldn’t get away from. I found out that I enjoy binge eating when I things aren’t going my way. Ironic, why have I not ever noticed this before? Could it be that with trying to deal with getting my life re-prioritized, training differently than my norm and feeling apathetic about it all is causing it? Chances are high that they are. Thankfully I know how to re-gain control and can put it all back in check. However, I am even more thankful for the awesome event I got to partake this weekend as it got me back into the “fight” mode. I want to run again, I am ready, it is time.

          Columbus State University (CSU) ROTC team recruited me to run with their team. To be honest I was a little worried that I would be able to hang with these youthful, some freshly Commissioned, some soon-to-be Commissioned Officers. I truly did not want to be the anchor holding the team back. We got started at 6am and I was the 5^th runner of an eight runner team. Out of the gates everyone took off fast, every runner, on every team, and knowing what we had ahead of us there were a few of us that were raising the red flag before the 3^rd leg was started to try to slow down because as the heat kicked in, it would crush the souls, and physical ability of the athletes. By the time I got to run my first leg it was already 82 degrees. 7.8 miles in 58:50 is fast, but really right in the window I wanted to be at. After my leg it appeared that the teams started to settle into the paces well.

          By the time of my second leg it was 97 degrees and the humidity was unreal. Ice in my hat was a lifeline and I was able to nail my 2.8 mile leg in 21:25. Right on pace again. I handed off to my relief and then went up the road to provide water and support as necessary for her leg. This is where I learned that there were a few runners on the team that refused to drink while running and one that wasn’t eating at all. I was also the only one that was using ice to keep myself cool on my legs. Time for a change of strategy…though some learn better through pain. Ahhhh…pain…the best and fastest learning curve tool in existence.

          My third leg was 4.2 miles and it was twilight when I started. Still 86 degrees out I opted to run it with my handheld bottle and roll without ice. Good call as I made is through this leg in 31:50. Everyone was falling in with a routing of solid nutrition, hydration and monitoring their state. Team rules such as “peeing twice before your next leg and reporting off-colored urine” were staple…take me to my fourth leg please.

          This leg was odd in so many ways. I ran without a shirt for the first time ever (it was 3am and I was not worried about being seen without it in rural Georgia at 3am. I started this leg at a Dollar Store. While waiting for my runner I was poking around and noticed the ice machine open, full of ice…and I was out of ice for my cooler. No cameras, no way to tell if I had taken the mere 1 bag I needed or not. My conscience could not do it though. Instead I went around and used the restroom in the wood-line and then went and grabbed my Ipod (which I NEVER run with unless I am on a treadmill). This proved to almost be a very painful mistake and had it not been for my handheld I would have been mauled by 3 very protective pit bulls about 3 miles from my hand-off. Thanks to my headlamp (which I also rarely run with) I saw the white one coming at me and then starting screaming “Bad DOGS! GO HOME!!!” while squirting my bottle at them and running backwards down the road to remain facing them. If I had stopped they would have surrounded me as the other two brown pits were already moving to flank me as I focused on the white one. Thankfully I made it through this 7.1 mile leg in 56:20. Then crawled in the van and went to sleep…

Quiz…what is the one thing I did wrong in the previous paragraph that would cause someone serious issues on a stage or relay race?

Answer…failure to eat…

          Yes folks…I made the rookiest of rookie mistakes. I did not eat before I went to sleep. I slept with my feet elevated and I drank my handheld plus two bottles of water but with no calories in and nothing to help keep the water I killed myself. My next leg was run right as with was warming up. I started off great, though I felt tight at first. Halfway through the 7 miles the bottom fell out. I HAD to walk. My sub 8 minute pace was reduced to a 9:30+ by the end of this leg and it was too late for me to do anything about it. After I stopped I started cramping unbelievably bad. I have dealt with legs, but knew the abdominal cramping was a huge issue. I spent the next 5 hours eating and drinking as much as possible. I knew I had no glycogen in my muscles for fuel and that my brain would continue to win, forcing a slow pace so I could fuel off fat, but that I could get some glycogen in my system and get my hydration up enough to hopefully fool my body for the last 4.7 mile leg I had…in the blazing heat of the day. BTW…leg 5 was 1:06:53.

          I was so thankful to finally get to the last leg but was worried about whether I would make it or not. The cramping had only subsided merely 15 minutes before I started it and it was once again 96 degrees or so. My awesome team knew I was hurting bad and kept me iced every mile. While I had to walk at times I muddled through this leg in 43:37. I was never so glad to get in the truck and drive down the road to help out the other team members on their leg as I was on this one.

          After some running around and linking up with both Abi Meadows (who we were privileged to host and send on her way on Wednesday as a solo runner) and my family we finally headed to finish line. At times the team had lost confidence, became apathetic, but the great thing about doing this as a team was that we could off-set each other and keep our heads up when the going got tough. The icing on the cake though, was that we took third place for the military teams. Very awesome for a first time team. I also got to experience the brutality of the shadeless course so I can better handle the trek solo in the future…next year??

          A special thanks to my team, Rowdy Pickles, which consisted of Freddie Connor, Jerry White, Loraine Solis, Nicolas Merva, Seth Prosser, Zachary Wiehi, Stephen Waynick for allowing me to be a part of this race and giving me the best, most memorable Memorial Day I have ever had. More thanks to MSG Moore for driving our team, Marissa Prosser for her outstanding crew support, Abi Meadows (aka the beerfairy) for the three beers I stole from her and the use of her vehicle to get us to the finish line. Lastly to my wife, for meeting us at the finish line and enjoying a weekend with me that turned out to be the best time I think we have spent together yet. I love you Amber…

Watching it all slip away...

So after the reality of a shift in life priorities set in and the road to repair was made things began to physically slow as well. Last year I had stepped on a rock while barefoot and done damage to my plantar fascia. Being the hard-headed individual that I am I kept running on it thinking I could active recover it. The reality was given to me recently that this injury is not n injury that can be actively recovered. So…4-6 weeks off as per docs orders, I am 3 weeks in right now.

This morning I took a “fitness test” with my running calculator and the result was a little more humbling than anticipated. My VO2 max usually is between 55 and 57, depending on where I am in my training cycle…this morning…47. Ugh, that is a lot lost. I am now 212 lbs rather than my flighty 185 racing weight. Though it is muscle, well, most of it, it is taxing my system and I can feel it. So, to me (and my heart too obviously) the extra muscle does NOT make me a more FIT individual. I want to get out and run, I want to blast through an interval workout and feel euphoric at the end. I miss it dearly and I am worried that it is going to be really tough to get back.

Another issue is my left hip. Not sure if it is a hernia, or residual effect from the bulging disc which running usually kept in check for me, but my left hip has been killing me since ATY and now, without running, the pain is very localized and I can hit the point of trigger. When I do pain shoots down to where my Sartorius connects just above the knee. Comparing between the sides there are a few things that are not symmetric going on in that left hip. The musculature is much less that the right side as well. My PT says it is caused from the sciatica…but I am really questioning him on this one…though…the sciatica has killed my flexibility of my left hamstring, so he very well could be right.

Next weekend I get to focus on other runners and be a part of running as a spectator and supporter. I will be the equipment manager for the GRR 100 miler in Dawsonville, GA. Sure wouldn’t mind a trot through the woods, but beggars can’t be choosers right?

Suffering a shift in priorities

The other day I send out some traffic on the Ultra List because I had my eyes opened of sorts. In all reality it was a “hey, check it out, this is what happened to me and I am on the path to get the old me back.” The outpouring of support I received was unreal, but even more unreal was that I wound up touching others that were suffering as from a shift in priorities as well. Without further adieu, here is the initial email”

” So yesterday we had a brief from an upper echelon leader…

Just what I needed to take me away from the task at hand...so much to do to make sure that things remain flowing for the unit.  

But then his words hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I am not the same man that I was 10 years ago. The war has taken its toll and I am not talking PTSD, though my wife will argue that one because she does not understand why I get up every two hours at night and check the house with my weapon...

Back to the point, and how this relates to running. Experiences of today’s conflict have restructured my thinking. Everything to me is life and death, if it is beyond that, it is difficult, or impossible for me to understand. I don't understand how my family does not get how important it is. "Why are you so worried about going to the book fair?...Stop stressing about taking the cat to the vet...that's just stupid." What happened? I used to enjoy contact. I enjoyed having my wife lay on my lap at night, now I want my space, cuddling with my kids is hard too. The compassion for even the smallest of things is not there. At some point in the last 10 years of deployments I have suffered a re-prioritization of life. If it does not relate to life and death then it is menial. It is hard to not re-prioritize when you see dear friends die, when you watch a wife attempt to comprehend that her husband is not ever coming home, when you feel as if eight of your nine lives are used and gone and come to terms with death being ok.   

I thought I had begun running as "therapy". In many ways it is. It is my new constant. However I never really connected the parallel until yesterday. Ultra-running is life and death. Granted, not to the extreme of which I am accustomed to at work, but you deal with talent tragically passing during Olympic Trials, the talented ultra-runner and mother that was lost in an automobile accident, the fellow runner that was struck down by a driver texting. Why running? Because it is familiar in too many ways. It is challenging, you have to work at it and FOR it. You have the camaraderie, the cohesion. You are family with all that you encounter on the trail, the road, the course...and then the is the familiar life and death scenario.  

This is difficult for me to come to terms to. It breaks my heart that I have changed this much, my family deserves better from me. I desire to be that compassionate man again; the father that hangs on his kids every word and be the hopeless romantic that my dearest wife married not long ago. I want more than their lives to be important; every care, every worry, every tear...and the first steps on what may be the longest run of my life were taken yesterday...”

Ahhh, the holdiays!

We made our way from our home nestled in the woods in Alabama to New Mexico to celebrate Christmas with our families. This trip always conjures up mixed emotions. We love our families, but both my wife and I are a bit jaded by experiences here in our home town. When we arrived into town a week ago we decided that the next two Christmases would be spent in the comfort of our own home as it is way too hard to drive across the country with three kids, one of which is still in diapers and the other has a bladder the size of a dime.

But being here you feel the pull. I find myself running old areas, trying to find new ones. I catch myself thinking about how beautiful it is here. If only I didn't have to deal with the mentality of some people...but that is everywhere I go, the people that think they should be handed life on a silver platter, ones that are either afraid to or just do not want to work and give all they have to contribute to the community. Yet, those few seem to be the ones that poison places for me. Until now...

We went to church here. The Adventist church is falling down...come to find out, the Catholic church that was built in the 1600's that is a national historic site is also falling down and condemned. There was a rift in our church and though a site and earnest money was placed forth to build a new church the agendas of men took priority and the church never got built. My mind started working to how awesome it would be if my hone town had what I now have in Alabama. A campus with a lifestyle center, bookstore, church, dorms, a country life store and vegan restaurant town. Some thing to help the people here spiritually AND physically. How awesome that would be. My mind starting working to where it would go...just across the river 2 miles out of town where we could grow our own crops, a place that I worked a farm as a nine year old boy.

Through conversation with my mother-in-law I found that the site that had earnest money put toward it was not even a mile from where I am thinking of. Coincidence? I think not. He is at work here. I haven't the slightest clue of how to make it happen, but I do know that I would eat my words of "I'm never coming back..." with a smile on my face if I were doing the Lord's work. This town needs an Uchee Pines, but more so it needs HIM.

I have 24 hours for Him to tell me how to go about it, who to ask and where to find mentorship. The Across the Years 24 hour event is on the 29th, I have not been training more than 18 miles a week since Pinhoti, more along the lines of 5-8 miles meaning this event will be through faith on every level.

There are many things calling me back. People asking me about setting up races to help the mustangs that range close by. A gentleman that made my custom belt for Pinhoti has asked to sponsor me and about setting up a race in which runners would literally run with the horses through a portion of their range in a 50k. How awesome is that?

A role reversal

     How often is it that an individual that does not enjoy running, one that has very hit and miss experiences with running, is that one that digs a runner out of a funk? To be honest, I had never heard of it ever being done.

     I have been battling keeping my body in motion. There has literally been NO desire to run, zero, nada, zip. I haven't missed it, I feel guilty for not running, but not all that bad, more of a "man, I need to run" than anything. Overtraining? Who knows. I think it is a massive combination of many things, physical, mental, emotional, psychological. The perfect storm of why this deer should NOT be in the woods. Yes folks, I would much rather be farm fed right now...

    My dear partner, bless her heart. She is feeling guilt for me not running and it is not her fault. She is concerned, she wants me to be happy. Today she asked me to go to lunch with her. I had told her that I was going run, but quickly rescinded it because I really didn't want to. I wanted a big fat juicy meal instead. One that would make my only run of the week (a mere 6 miles at a decent 7:51 clip), fade in my mind, one that would make all the ones I missed the remainder of the week not matter at all.

     She asked me to run with her and then we would go eat and this was the compromise we agreed upon. Today her knees didn't hurt. She was laughing while running. She ran quite a few times at longer intervals than what we had set out to do. She beat her fastest time at 2 miles ever. Today I am glad I got out there with her. She had her first runners high when were done. The most beautiful words I have ever heard her say in relation to running was after we got into the car to leave..."Whew! I don't think I should be driving right now...I'm high." How awesome for her!!!

     I do know that she also showed me one of the many things wrong that is making me not want to run right now. I am lonely. Running has been a solo event for therapy, it has been a chance for me to "sort it all out". Right now though, I am in need of someone to run with. Maybe not to talk, only to drone on the sounds of our feet contacting the surface below. Possibly to sweep the miles away with meaningless conversation, or even the sharing of the deepest philosophies. The underlying variable is that I need to find a herd and get off the farm...