A role reversal

     How often is it that an individual that does not enjoy running, one that has very hit and miss experiences with running, is that one that digs a runner out of a funk? To be honest, I had never heard of it ever being done.

     I have been battling keeping my body in motion. There has literally been NO desire to run, zero, nada, zip. I haven't missed it, I feel guilty for not running, but not all that bad, more of a "man, I need to run" than anything. Overtraining? Who knows. I think it is a massive combination of many things, physical, mental, emotional, psychological. The perfect storm of why this deer should NOT be in the woods. Yes folks, I would much rather be farm fed right now...

    My dear partner, bless her heart. She is feeling guilt for me not running and it is not her fault. She is concerned, she wants me to be happy. Today she asked me to go to lunch with her. I had told her that I was going run, but quickly rescinded it because I really didn't want to. I wanted a big fat juicy meal instead. One that would make my only run of the week (a mere 6 miles at a decent 7:51 clip), fade in my mind, one that would make all the ones I missed the remainder of the week not matter at all.

     She asked me to run with her and then we would go eat and this was the compromise we agreed upon. Today her knees didn't hurt. She was laughing while running. She ran quite a few times at longer intervals than what we had set out to do. She beat her fastest time at 2 miles ever. Today I am glad I got out there with her. She had her first runners high when were done. The most beautiful words I have ever heard her say in relation to running was after we got into the car to leave..."Whew! I don't think I should be driving right now...I'm high." How awesome for her!!!

     I do know that she also showed me one of the many things wrong that is making me not want to run right now. I am lonely. Running has been a solo event for therapy, it has been a chance for me to "sort it all out". Right now though, I am in need of someone to run with. Maybe not to talk, only to drone on the sounds of our feet contacting the surface below. Possibly to sweep the miles away with meaningless conversation, or even the sharing of the deepest philosophies. The underlying variable is that I need to find a herd and get off the farm...